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In what ways do I need to worry about hurting either of them?

it can be done in lots of ways. say you don't balance your time between your partners in a way they're uncomfortable with, and you don't resolve the issue amicably. say your partners hook up in a way that were to upset you because it wasn't discussed ahead of time. or any of you make assumptions about the situation that causes an upset in another. like I said, it depends on the people, and it also depends on the nature of the hookups. is it just you with two partners, or a free for all? or one could turn into the other over time, which changes things even more...

relationships are complicated. add in another person and that complexity triples- it's not just one relationship anymore, it's your relationship with each of them, and theirs with each other.

It is... I would not call it complicated, as for me it is rather straightforward.

I hold deep affection for Asphodelus.

I hold deep affection for Ardbert as well. (My dream-guide was named after him, and decided upon his arrival to be 'Echo')

They both know this as it is impossible for me to hide.

They also both hold affection for me in turn, and are both more than accepting of this.

Ardbert's feelings for Asphodelus are uncertain as of yet, as he still recalls him as our mortal enemy. But my partner is unerringly kind in action even if his words can make him an utter arsehole, and is keeping Ardbert very well fed.

Asphodelus cares for Ardbert in his own way, if only because Ardbert is quite literally my soulmate.

We are all deeply entwined with each other.

I believe things are stable for now. We are all of us co-habitating with no difficulties thus far.

I am concerned, however. I feel... happy, and that is often followed by awful things.

Sounds like you're off to a good start at least. And yeah, I get that sentiment. Try not to let it stick too much, though- paranoia can ruin a good thing.

have you asked them what they want out of the relationship?

Paranoia can also save lives.

Is that something you're meant to ask?

are you expecting to die in this relationship?

and yeah I think it's pretty important to know what the people you care about want from you o, themselves, or each other. historically, good info to be aware of.

I am the only one of us who hasn't. But I am more concerned I may lose one of them again, or that something else may happen to bring balance again. What cost will there be for this joy I feel?

I know what each of them wants, though not necessarily in the context of a relationship. And if they have spoken of it amongst each other I have not been privy to their discussion, which I don't mind. What relationship they do or do not have is for them to discover on their own.

I'm no stranger to "anything that can go wrong will go wrong". that shit's universal. but try not to live in that mentality with the people you're in love with. you can miss out on a lot.

and communication is too important to leave that sort of thing up to chance. yes, it's up to them what they want. but they can't know what's on the table if you don't let them know what you're okay with. a lot of the time, the central party of a threesome is the one who sets the tone.

They know they are mine and no one else's, and they are agreeable to that. What else is there to let them know?

Within Ardbert's first hours of revival and our subsequent reunion I ... may have thoroughly reintroduced him to the pleasures of the flesh.

When he told me he loved me I told him it was simply his hormones confusing him. We have not done anything more since then. I would like to, but do not want to take advantage.

How long would you say is a reasonable amount of time for one to reacclimatize to mortal flesh and the emotions therein?

is their happiness important to you?

[More of a rhetorical question - it's a safe thing to assume - but the journey is part of the process, here.]

there is no universal "reasonable amount of time", sorry. that sort of thing isn't gauged by time, but rather progress. it's going to be different for everyone based on situation, experience, and personal feelings. For twenty years I was able to reacclimate to my body after losing it in a matter of days, because it just became old hat. Circumstances change, and now there are days when I'm still not used to it. for some people, there might always be days like that.

This is another thing that you need to openly communicate about. Make sure he's able to freely tell you what he's comfortable with. and make sure he's able and willing to tell you to stop if he needs it.

Of course.

I suppose the issue then is not a lack of desire to communicate, but an inherent deficit in understanding what things need be communicated?

how about starting with what you told me already?

your worries about something going wrong is a starter
that can lead in to making sure they know how much you want things to go smoothly
checking with each of them what they want from you, for you, for themselves, and if necessary, from/for each other
talk about what you can do together to accomplish any and all of these goals

give yourself a timeline for checking in on these things, particularly for the fella new to having his body back. not like, "I want to do x by y date" but "give me an update on how you're feeling in a week about x y z". if nothing changes extend it and go from there. you all can gauge what a reasonable amount of time is if you measure it by actual days rather than some amorphous "tell me when you're ready". it's not a deadline, just a soft schedule.

does that make sense

I don't wish to burden them with such unnecessary things.

Such a timeline does make sense, thank you. I am already aiding him with regaining his fine motor control, so adding additional elements to check up on would not be too difficult.

you're in a relationship. why would any of that be unnecessary?

They've enough to concern themselves with. My worries needn't be another—particularly when there is naught they can do to ease them.

Often it's not about whether or not they can help, but more that you trust them enough to unburden yourself and share your troubles. A partnership goes both ways, and don't you want them to do with same with you if they're having problems?

I share with them my legitimate concerns if appropriate, but ones induced by paranoia are not among those.

If it is a problem I can reasonably hope to help with, or if I could offer comfort of some manner, I would appreciate them confiding in me. If they do not, it is either due to my own failings, or merely a problem where my involvement would complicated or worsen matters.

Didn't you just say that paranoia saves lives? So doesn't that make it important enough to share with those you love?

Not if I keep them safe. Then it is irrelevant, and something they needn't fret over.

yeah that's dumb. you're taking away their power to protect themselves by withholding information.

Information does not always offer protection. But I shall consider it if it becomes necessary.

food for thought, at least.

Anything else you need to know? Or should I just wish you good luck and good sex lol

Good luck would not be remiss, though I'm abstaining from the other for now.

Once he's more adjusted, and once I can ascertain that his feelings for me was not merely imprinting, then it would be something to try again if he so wished.

There's possible imprinting, now? You sure end up in some complicated relationships.

He was a wandering spirit for one hundred years, unable to be seen or heard or interact with the world around him. Then he found me.

For a century he was alone, and then he found me. Now he has a body once more, and once again there I was.

I am not smart, but neither am I stupid. In those circumstances anyone would latch upon the first person to rid them of their isolation.

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necromanswers - 2020-03-29 23:05 (UTC) - Expand

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