necromanswers | Lup | IC Contact Page

Sounds familiar.

[In many ways. It's unfortunate, though she fully recognizes that it's a hard habit to shake, even if it isn't one that she's experienced personally.]

I mean, I can see the resemblance between you two, even if you didn't raise him. You were around the toxic ex who only found worth in you because you were useful, and as soon as that usefulness faded, you meant nothing to him, but he was everything to you. Centuries of that isn't gonna be unlearned in a matter of months or even years. Think about how long it took to get you from where we started in the fleet to how you are now. Could you ever have imagined this being the norm, back then?

No, not at all. My imagination was limited, as well as my understanding.

[ Her shoulders slump further forward even as she maintains her contact. ]

With all that in perspective, am I too impatient? I don't want to make things worse for him, when our relationship is still so tenuous.

Mm... maybe, but I can't really criticize you for feeling that way. You guys have waited so long already, it's only natural to want more than crumbs.

[She glances between the two of them, watching how he breathes, and the expression on Honerva's face. This moment is familiar, too; she'd kept vigil over Taako when he'd been injured by his own spell (when he'd hidden it from her, not yet trusting her to share the load), wanting so much more than the half-life they'd been living in since they found one another.]

When I first arrived in the fleet, and realized Taako still didn't remember me, finding a balance between push and pull was hard. I was the enemy, a Red Robe, and I wore his face- of course he'd distrust me. In some ways, the static helped. It showed him that there was something missing, that I was someone the director had hidden from him. But there'd still been plenty of hiccups. I... was impatient, too.

... Thank you for being with me, Lup.

[ She's said it before, it goes without saying, but at the same time, she cannot take her presence for granted, everything they've gone through time and again all matters and she gives her hand a knowing squeeze. She remembers all of what Lup had gone through with Taako well, because it was how they had bonded. Always easier to be on the advising side than in her own shoes dealing with the problems. At the time, she had her own growing to do, but Lotor had been a hope that had stomped on her heart, then, while Lup was in need, right in front of her, during a time she had begun to realize that she could no longer ignore others that cried out in pain ever again. ]

... It is hard to gauge when it is too much or too little, when it is constantly feeling as though nothing I could say would be enough with what he's had to face. The last person he allowed to be close to him... betrayed him as well. Even now... he was ill and yet I asked him if he would trust himself to our care before he succumbed. Before we brought him here, and yet I can't help fearing he will seek to run away when he wakes. I would not blame him if he did, but, that way of thinking is... lack of faith on my part, is it not?

Could be. Again, your feelings on the issue are valid, because you're both in similar positions. At the same time, someone has to be the one to push and start building that bridge, and I think out of the two of you, you're in a better position to be that person.

[She reaches her free hand out to take Lotor's, sliding it over towards Honerva with a pointed, encouraging look.]

If he's wary of being betrayed again, then prove him wrong, over and over, until you change his mind. Give him what he's afraid to ask for.

You're so brave.

[ As much as she understands that Lup brought up her situation with Taako for a reason. Where she had been forced to wait for him to get his memory back in a situation created by impossible circumstances, always so wary of damaging what she had when he was unable to remember, to points where she'd nearly lost control, they'd held through.

Honerva has a hard time acknowledging the validity of her own feelings. But Lup knows her well and why it is difficult for her, but she feels the weight of that look as well as the words. ]

We are here... and he is not alone. There is that.

[Lup smiles but doesn't respond to the first bit. Maybe she is brave, or maybe it's just how she's learned to live her life. She has a hard time imagining being anything else.

To the last, though, she nods.]

That counts for a lot. All you can do is your best, you know. Just make sure that's what you're doing, and he'll recognize your sincerity over time. You're not guaranteed what you want, but at least if you try you won't be left with more regrets later.

[ Sorry Lup. No escape from her compliments. For living life the way she had, to enduring it all, to still be such a person despite it all, and to inspire others by simply being such a force of will. ]

... well. All I would want is for him to... have a life, and I've no intent to give up on that. To not feel as though he must... perform to nonexistent expectations here. To not continue to hold his life in any less regard to others. Is that too much?

We're not the ones who get to decide what is or isn't too much for him. I don't think it is, though, personally. It's the kind of thing any mother would want for her child. At least, based on my understanding of motherhood.

[Limited as it may be.]

Not just "any" mother. We do not all come with the sense that you have from experience... as much as it is reassuring to hear you say so.

[ Lup had more understanding because she was more knowledgeable of people She didn't have to be in the "mother" category for that. Honerva was still too new to figuring out what was right. ]

Okay, let me amend that. Any maternal figure that gives a shit about her spawn, which is not a universal trait but can be learned over time, against all obstacles. Give yourself some credit for how far you've come to this point.

If you keep saying things like that, it'll go to my head, you know.

[ But some of the strain has lifted, at least. She's still afraid, but Lup is there. ]

But I am grateful to be able to... feel things like this, even if it does lead to worries and questions.

Worries and questions mean your noggin's still spinning. Don't stress, just embrace it.

Wise as ever.

[ Because of course Lup was, as much as she was maintaining her contact with Lotor, she gives Lup's hand a significant squeeze again. ]

I can't promise not to stress, but... perspective helps. What matters right now is that he recovers from this. That is at least something I can help with.

Yep. That's a momma thought, good job.

[Lup pats her hand where they're joined and slides off the bed, stepping away.]

I'll get some tea and a cold compress for his fever. Try to take it easy for now, we'll get through this.

Yes, we will. Thank you, Lup.

[ Not the first time she's said it, won't be the last, but the gratitude is genuine, as she adjusts her positioning, exhaling softly, while Kova hops up to comfort and investigate. ]

Lup | IC Contact Page | Hugtopia

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