necromanswers | Lup | IC Contact Page

Don't you "Jesus" me. With the way you kept dancing around it, what the heck was I supposed to think?

Sorry, sorry. No, it wasn't anything like that I don't think. I didn't read much of it? I just. I dunno, Lup. I thought it was bullshit but I started thinking about it and maybe it's not?

[ Baby's first bi panic is going just about as well as anybody could ask. ]

[Uh-huh.]

So, not porn, but... porn-adjacent? Pre-porn? What were you thinking about it?

...Isn't everything that's not porn pre-porn? I guess adjacent? It wasn't even that part that had me thinking. It was all the other stuff. Like having your head opened up and sifted through and like they knew something I didn't?? Am I overthinking everything and projecting and just making my best friend super uncomfortable?

Semantics, my dude.

[She's just trying to wrangle the truth out of him and he's still making it like pulling teeth.]

Okay. Okay. If you're not gonna say it, then I will. Are you dancing around the idea that you might have a crush on Coil?

[ Why blurt out the truth when you can avoid it and talk in circles?? ]

Yeah, but what does that matter if I've pissed him off or freaked him out?

[Shit, she's mostly relieved that he admitted it.]

You keep saying he freaked out. What did he say?

Nothing. He had a panic attack and started hyperventilating..

[ He shrugs, looking guilty. ]

So I apologized and we didn't talk about it again.

[Oof. Oooooof. Big oof.]

So... you don't know why he had a panic attack?

No. He apologized, but he was already upset and I didn't want to make it worse. I just.. I'm lost with what to do? I only ever got the guts to kiss one girl before and that was only because I thought I was going to die.

[ Carl laughs, but he's not really feeling it. ]

Then we got separated and I died for real, so my luck's just the best.

Yeah, no kidding there.

[Bad luck on top of bad luck... she presses both hands to her face, breathing in deep for a moment.]

Okay, so... a panic attack is a definitive "I have a problem with this", but it isn't a guaranteed no, either. At least, it's not a never. I'm no therapist, but it sounds to me like your fella's got some serious issues with some aspect of the idea, and until you know what part, you won't be able to move on. Or forward, whichever direction you're gonna go. Ignoring it isn't gonna fix this, but you can't push too hard, either. People who have that visceral a reaction to just suggesting a relationship aren't gonna jumpstart one at the drop of a hat.

Yeah, I got that much. It wasn't the first time I helped him with one. It was never about that, though. I can deal with that, and I can deal with what he feels or doesn't feel and all the messed up shit that goes with it. I don't want to lose my friend over a dumbass mistake that I made? I probably shouldn't have sprung it on him in the first place.

[ He sighs, crossing his arms in front of him. ]

I don't know how to do any of this, and I won't know what to do if he does hate me.

I don't think it's a dumbass mistake to open the proverbial hook-up door for someone. It could just have easily had a happy ending with the two of you making out on the couch all afternoon. I've had weirder days.

[Probably not these two, but you really never know until you try.]

Listen, if he's the sort of guy who'd hate you for sharing how you feel, then he doesn't deserve you anyway, and fuck him. But is that the impression you got? That he hates you?

I don't think it'd ever be something like that, he's too reserved.

[ He has to shake his head no at her query, which is at least something good. ]

No..I just panicked and I know my record for bad luck. Easy enough to jump to the conclusion of 'well why wouldn't he hate you?'

That's because you're a dumbass kid.

[She loves your, Carl, but that's incredibly defeatist and she's not here for it.]

So, I'm gonna take a wild guess, because again, I don't know him, but... people who have panic attacks at basic social interactions are bad at, like, confrontations and shit. Dealing with on-the-spot dilemmas, that sort of thing. You're probably not gonna get anywhere fast with a face-to-face conversation.

[ It should annoy him, being called a dumbass, but it has the reverse effect and it gets him to smile. ]

He's not the best at talking about how he feels, anyway. How should I even start asking him about it?

If I were you: say what you want to say over text, so you both have time to think about what you express beforehand. It can seem impersonal, but if you're up-front about why, it might make life easier for the both of you. Might not be the topic that's making him panic so much as your immediate expectations.

[She pours the tea, satisfied with steep colour at this point, and slides it his way.]

Alternatively, just tell him right off the bat that he can take some time away from you to think about what you have to say, and come on out and say it. As long as he knows he has a safe escape to mull it over, the pressure's bound to be a little easier on him.

Yeah.. I guess that makes sense.

[ He pulls the cup the rest of the way over and just holds it, letting the warmth seep into his fingers. ]

He's got his room and his workroom. Altar room? I give him his spaces, I don't really go in either. I also don't mind leaving so he can have more space. I just don't want him to hate me or think that he needs to feel a certain way? I'd rather have him as my best friend than not at all.

If that's how you feel then you need to tell him that- tell him those exact words. Make it clear that it's an open door but you're not gonna push him through it. As long as you both set up whatever boundaries you're cozy with, and are willing to make space for each other, you're already better off than plenty of couples, romantic or otherwise.

[She knows firsthand how garbage communication can ruin relationships. Ignoring it and letting things fester is definitely not the answer.]

[ Thankfully, both he and Coil would explode at some point if something were festering or seemed off. Maybe not if it were personal, but they were kind of getting there. ]

Okay. I think I can do that. I mean, I've seen what secrets do to people. My parents used to fight a lot after everything went to hell when they thought I couldn't hear them.

Yeah, that's not healthy. Especially when you live in close proximity with someone.

[She takes an idle sip of her drink, quiet for a moment.]

I'm sure you guys can work it out, but just in case you need some space, you know you've always got a place here, right?

Lup | IC Contact Page | Hugtopia

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject